You’ve made it through another year.
And if you’re like most of the women physicians I talk to, you’re somewhere between exhausted and frustrated with yourself right now.
Maybe you promised yourself you’d handle food better this holiday season. Maybe you had a “plan” that lasted about 36 hours before that 10pm charting session turned into you eating leftover mac and cheese straight from the container.
I get it. I’ve been there.
And here’s what I want you to know: Nothing is wrong with you.
The “Evidence” Your Brain Has Been Collecting
Here’s what usually happens around this time of year:
You look back and see a pattern. December gets chaotic. You eat more than you planned. The holiday parties pile up. By the time January rolls around, you feel out of control and guilty. You white-knuckle some restrictive plan. By February, it falls apart. Rinse and repeat.
And because this has happened so many times, your brain calls it “evidence.”
See? This is just how I am around the holidays. I always lose control in December. I can’t be trusted around cookies.
But here’s what I want you to consider: What if that “evidence” only exists because that’s what you were looking for?
Your brain is a pattern-finding machine. It looks for proof of whatever you already believe. So if you believe you can’t control yourself around holiday treats, your brain highlights every cookie you ate. Meanwhile, it completely ignores the meals where you stopped when you were full. The parties where you felt totally fine. The times you walked past the break room candy without a second thought.
That stuff happened too. But your brain didn’t flag it because it didn’t fit the story.
What We Believe, We Get More Of
This is how beliefs work. Whatever you believe, your brain looks for evidence to confirm it.
Believe you always overeat at restaurants? Your brain notices every time you clean your plate and forgets the times you didn’t.
Believe you “have no willpower”? Your brain catalogs every slip while dismissing every time you made a healthy choice.
The pattern feels so solid because you’ve been collecting one-sided evidence for years.
But the pattern isn’t a given. The experience isn’t inevitable.
Just because it’s been this way doesn’t mean it always has to be. You’ve only had that same experience year after year because that’s what you expected—and your brain went hunting for proof.
What if you expected something different? What if you looked for different evidence?
This Isn’t About Becoming a Different Person
Now, I’m not saying you can just think positive thoughts and everything changes overnight. This is stuff I keep working on too. It’s not a flip-the-switch situation.
But asking different questions—looking for different patterns—it shifts things over time.
Instead of “Why do I always lose control?” try “When have I felt calm around food?”
Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” try “What’s actually working?”
Your brain will start collecting different evidence. And slowly, the “this is just how I am” story starts to loosen.
Drop the Rope
Speaking of patterns that feel impossible to break:
You know that internal tug-of-war with food? The back and forth?
I shouldn’t eat this. But I want it. But I really shouldn’t. But everyone else is having some. But I said I wouldn’t.
It’s exhausting. And it usually ends with you eating the thing AND feeling terrible about it.
Here’s what I’ve learned: What if you just dropped one end of the rope?
You can’t have a tug-of-war unless you’re holding both ends of the rope. When you stop fighting, the decision becomes simpler.
This doesn’t mean you eat everything in sight. It means you stop the struggle. And when you stop struggling—when you’re not telling yourself “I can’t have this, I’m not allowed to have this”—most people just relax. The food becomes less attractive.
That “I’m not allowed” voice? It triggers your internal rebellious teenager. The one who hears “no” and thinks “watch me, I’ll do it anyway.”
Restriction creates rebellion. So what happens when you drop the restriction?
The answer, for most people, is that everything calms down.
Your Needs Actually Matter (This Connects to Food, I Promise)
Okay, this might seem like a left turn, but stay with me. Because this is directly connected to why you keep reaching for food when you’re not hungry.
Think about how you structure your days.
What time do the kids need to be somewhere? What does your clinic schedule require? What patient needs to be seen? What shift needs covered?
And then… somewhere at the very bottom of the list… maybe your needs. Usually after everything else is done. Which means never.
Here’s what I’ve figured out (the hard way, through my own cycles of burnout and recovery): When you spend your life never having your needs acknowledged, food becomes the outlet.
If you’re never creating space for what you actually need—rest, quiet, fun, connection, whatever it is—your brain finds other ways to get relief. And food is convenient. It’s available. It doesn’t require scheduling.
So you finish a brutal clinic day, you’re charting at 9pm, and suddenly you’re standing at the pantry eating crackers you don’t even want. It’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your brain is desperately trying to give you SOMETHING enjoyable in an otherwise relentless day.
When you start creating other outlets—when you actually acknowledge what you need and make space for it—the food doesn’t have to work so hard.
Where Is Your Joy Coming From?
I want you to think about something honestly:
How much joy or fun do you currently get from things that aren’t food?
For me, for a lot of years? The answer was basically none. Even the “fun” things I did were food-centered. Dinner out with friends. Date night at a restaurant. Treats as rewards.
Because I wasn’t creating pleasure anywhere else. And I didn’t feel like I could.
When food is your only source of enjoyment—when it’s the only break in an otherwise exhausting day—your brain is going to keep reaching for it. Of course it is. It’s trying to help you feel something good.
The fix isn’t to take away the food through willpower and restriction. The fix is to create other sources of joy. Other outlets. Other places where you as an individual get to exist and feel good.
This connects back to the “evidence” piece: if you believe you need food to feel okay, your brain will prove it. But if you start creating other sources of relief, that belief starts to shift.
Review Your Year Without the Shame
As you head into the new year, I want to offer you a different way to look back on this one.
Most of us do year-end reviews like this:
- Where did I fail?
- What should I have done differently?
- Who do I need to become to finally get this right?
No wonder it doesn’t help. That’s just a shame spiral with extra steps.
Try these questions instead:
- What actually worked for me?
- What felt good?
- What didn’t work?
- What didn’t feel good?
Both the “what worked” AND the “what didn’t work” are equally helpful information. Neither requires you to become a different person.
The goal isn’t to figure out what’s wrong with you and how to fix it. The goal is to learn from what’s already true about you. Find what works. Do less of what doesn’t. Work WITH who you already are.
You’re Not Broken
I want you to hear this as you close out the year:
You don’t need fixing. There’s nothing wrong with you.
The things you’ve done this year that you won’t even give yourself credit for? They’re huge. Your brain just won’t let you see them because it’s too busy collecting evidence of where you fell short.
But the good things you do—the way you show up for your patients, your family, your work—they far outweigh any of that.
You get to choose the experience. The pattern isn’t a given. The evidence your brain has been collecting isn’t the full story.
You can start exactly where you are, with exactly who you are. And maybe this year, you can start by acknowledging that you—just you, not as a doctor or a mom or anyone’s anything—actually matter too.
Ready to head into the new year feeling different about yourself and food?
Listen to this week’s episode of the Thriving As A Physician Podcast on your favorite podcast app.
And if you want personalized support with an approach that’s customized to YOUR life? Learn more about Thrive Academy for Physicians at start2thrive.ca
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