I used to hide my drive-thru wrappers.
After a long day at the hospital, I’d swing through the drive-thru, order French fries, and sit in my car eating them. Then I’d carefully throw away all evidence before going home.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. As a physician who coaches other women physicians on their eating and weight struggles, I see this pattern constantly – but almost no one talks about it openly.
What Is Secret Eating?
Secret eating happens when you feel you can only eat certain foods when you’re alone, or you feel compelled to hide evidence that you’ve eaten something. It might look like:
- Eating only when you’re home alone
- Hiding food wrappers deep in the trash
- Stashing certain foods where no one will find them
- Eating in your car between appointments
- Grabbing leftover conference food when no one’s looking
- Sneaking hospital cookies from the nurses’ station when nobody’s watching
- Feeling intense shame if someone notices what you’ve eaten
If you recognize yourself in any of these behaviors, please know this: you’re not broken, you’re not weak, and you’re certainly not alone.
The Shame Spiral That Keeps Physicians Stuck
The core of secret eating isn’t really about food – it’s about shame.
I remember my husband occasionally noticing fast food bags in our trash and mentioning it with concern. Though he meant well, those comments touched something so raw and painful inside me that I just withdrew more. I felt completely out of control around certain foods, and having someone notice it felt unbearable.
As physicians, we often carry an extra layer of shame because we “should know better.” We counsel patients on nutrition, yet feel powerless over our own eating at times. This creates a painful disconnect between our professional identity and private struggles.
The same perfectionism that makes you an excellent doctor is probably making this struggle much harder. When you hold yourself to impossibly high standards in every area of your life, something’s eventually going to give.
Why We Really Eat in Secret (It’s Not What You Think)
When I was hiding my drive-thru habits, I thought I had a “French fry problem.” I even wondered if I had a food addiction.
But here’s what I’ve discovered after working with hundreds of physicians: secret eating is almost never about the food itself.
For me, those French fries represented the only break I got all day. Between a demanding medical practice, young twins at home, and all the responsibilities of running a household, I was desperate for just a few minutes where nobody needed anything from me.
Those moments in my car with my fries were the only time I felt I could breathe.
What I really needed wasn’t French fries – it was time for myself and permission to take breaks. The food was just filling an unmet need.
Your Brain Is Trying to Help You
When you have those overwhelming urges to eat certain foods, your brain isn’t trying to sabotage you. It’s trying to help.
It notices you’re stressed, exhausted, or emotionally depleted and thinks, “I know what might help! This food gave us a little dopamine boost last time – let’s try that again!”
Your brain isn’t your enemy – it’s just using an ineffective strategy to meet a very real need.
How to Break Free From Secret Eating
1. De-shame the food
There are no “good” or “bad” foods. You are not bad for eating any food or any amount of food. Food choices don’t change your worth.
This is often the hardest step because food shame is so deeply ingrained, especially for women physicians. But it’s essential. As long as you view certain foods as “forbidden,” they’ll maintain their power over you.
Try telling yourself: “I’m an adult. I can eat this if I want to.” Making foods abundant rather than scarce often reduces their emotional pull.
2. Honor your choices
You’re an adult who can choose what to eat. Sometimes you’ll choose foods primarily for enjoyment rather than nutrition – and that’s okay.
When you say “I had no choice” or “I couldn’t help myself,” you reinforce feelings of being out of control. Instead, try: “I chose to eat this today because I wanted it.”
3. Get curious instead of critical
Once you’ve reduced the shame, you can start asking helpful questions:
- Why these situations? (Why the drive-thru? Why when I’m alone?)
- Why these days? (Are they my longest shifts? My emptiest days?)
- Why this food? (What does it represent? What need is it filling?)
- What am I really feeling when the urge hits?
- What do I actually need in those moments?
For me, understanding that my drive-thru habit was about needing breaks changed everything. I could then address the real problem instead of just fighting my food cravings.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If secret eating is part of your struggle, please know that healing is possible. I’ve seen hundreds of physicians break free from these patterns and develop a peaceful relationship with food.
The first step is often just acknowledging it without shame – which can be hard to do alone. That’s why I created Thrive Academy for Physicians, where women physicians can talk openly about their eating struggles in a judgment-free, completely confidential environment with others who truly understand.
And if you’re thinking “I don’t have time for another program,” know that Thrive Academy is specifically designed for physicians who have no time—because I’ve been there too. This approach fits into your busy life because it has to—I designed it for physicians like us.
When you’re ready to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms, I’m here to help. You can learn more by clicking here.
Because you deserve peace with food – and freedom from the shame cycle of secret eating.
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