You’re the one holding the phone. Always. At the barbecue, on the vacation, at the birthday party — you’re the one taking the pictures, not the one in them. And it’s not by accident.
If you’ve struggled with your weight, your eating, or your body image, this is one of the sneaky ways it shows up. You don’t feel comfortable in photos. You judge yourself hard when you do end up in one. So you just… stay behind the camera or off to the side.
I’ve watched so many women do this. Smart, capable women. Physicians who make hard calls all day long, then quietly step out of the family photo.
And I want to talk about it. Because it matters way more than you think.
The “someday” body image trap
Here’s the story we tell ourselves. It usually sounds like this:
“Once I lose the weight, I’ll get in the photos.”
“Once I fit back into those clothes, I’ll feel okay about it.”
“Once I feel better about my body, then I’ll be in all of them.”
We set this little permission line. Some future point where being in photos will finally feel good. We might not even say it out loud. But it’s sitting there in the background.
And it’s not just unfair to you. It’s not even true.
There’s no magic day when it becomes easier to be in photos. Because if you don’t do the work on how you see your body, losing weight won’t fix it. Your brain will still beat you up over the pictures. It’ll find something. The saggy skin. The wrinkles. The grey hairs. The chin that looked weird because of the angle.
The judgment isn’t about your size. It’s a habit your brain learned. And that habit doesn’t disappear when the scale goes down.
Summer makes it louder
I’m recording this in the summer, and summer is a hard season for body image.
More skin is showing. So there’s more for your brain to judge — the legs, the arms, the stomach, whatever it decides to pick on that day. And summer is when a lot of photos get taken. Vacations. Holidays. Barbecues. Pool days.
So you’re tempted to make a quiet deal with yourself: you’ll be the photographer, not the one in the photos. You’ll opt out of the swimsuit picture. You’ll wait until something changes.
Please don’t wait.
Your brain lies about how you look
Here’s something worth holding onto: body image is incredibly subjective. Our brains distort how we see ourselves — sometimes a lot.
Think about an old photo of yourself. One where, at the time, you were sure you looked heavy, or old, or bad. Now you look back and think, “Actually… I looked fine.” Maybe even good.
I have those photos too. I look back at pictures where I was positive I was really heavy, and now I see I looked okay.
That gap? That’s your proof. What your brain tells you in the moment is not the truth.
There was a show back in the ’90s I always think about called How to Look Good Naked. Every episode, they’d start by showing the person how distorted their view of their own body was. They’d have her outline her body shape on a wall — and it was always way bigger than she actually was. Or put her in a lineup and ask her to guess where her size fit. She’d be way off.
What we think our body looks like is not how it actually looks to other people. Keep that in your back pocket next time you want to skip the beach photo.
What the photos are actually for
Ask yourself: what’s the real value of a photo?
It’s not looking perfect. Think about your favorite photos. I’d bet most of them aren’t the fancy, staged, professional ones. Those are pretty, but there’s not much memory in them.
Your favorites are the candid ones. The messy vacation shot where everyone’s cracking up. The photo of your grandparent smiling exactly how you remember them.
It’s the memory that matters.
And when you refuse to be in the photos because you don’t feel good enough, that’s what you’re actually missing. Not a flattering picture. The memory itself.
Especially for the moms
If you’re a mom, this hits different.
Nobody takes photos of mom when the kids are little. Mom is the one taking the photos of everyone else. So there’s a whole chunk of your life where you’re just… not in the pictures. Not naturally, anyway.
Which means when someone does snap a photo of you with your kids, it’s precious. There aren’t many of them.
And in that photo — if you’ve got a stomach roll, who cares? A little cellulite? Who cares? That is not what the photo is about.
Where does the judgment even come from?
If you’ve fought with your body image for years, I know “who cares” is easy for me to say and hard for you to feel. You’ve got a long history with this. So let’s look at it a little deeper.
And I’m not saying any of this from a place where body shame never touched me. Years ago, people used to ask me when I was due — long after I’d had my kids. I’d freeze. It hit that tender, shameful spot, like there was something wrong with my body and something wrong with me. It could ruin my entire day.
So I’m not talking down to you from the other side of this. I’ve stood in that shame. I just don’t want you to live there.
The belief that a body of a different size or shape is something to judge? That’s not built into us. We’re taught it. By media. By society.
And the people who decided what a woman’s body is “supposed” to look like are probably not people you’d want to hang out with on a Friday night. So here’s a fair question: do you really want them running your life this much?
I’d also ask you to look at the cost. Where has body image judgment made you say no when you really wanted to say yes? How much has it held you back over the years? That’s worth sitting with.
You don’t have to love your body to get in the photo
Here’s what I want for you.
Stop putting things off, waiting for the day you magically wake up loving your body. Do the things. Get in the photos. Wear the swimsuit on the beach with your family.
Because regardless of your size, regardless of the shape, regardless of the skin you wish was tighter — your body is amazing. Every single day it does incredible things so you can be here, living your life.
Picture yourself at 80, looking back on a life well lived. You’re not going to care about the rolls or the cellulite. You’ll care about the experiences. The people. That you did the stuff you wanted to do and actually enjoyed it. And you might just wish you’d let go of the judgment a whole lot sooner.
Body image work is a big thing, and it doesn’t vanish overnight. But every bit of work you do on it is worth it.
You are amazing. Your body is amazing. And you deserve to be in all the photos.
Want the full pep talk? Listen to this episode of Thriving As A Physician on your favorite podcast app.
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